By Anel Annandale – Educational Psychologist
Getting children to cooperate doesn’t always have to feel like an uphill battle. Over the years, I’ve found a few simple, practical techniques that consistently help foster a more cooperative dynamic between adults and children. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, or teacher, these strategies can make a real difference in how a child responds to your guidance. Here are four of my go-to approaches:
1. Get Down to Their Level
One of the most effective ways to increase the likelihood that a child will listen is by getting down to their eye level when making a request. When we speak from above, it can feel intimidating or commanding. But when you kneel or crouch to meet their gaze, the interaction becomes more personal and respectful. It shifts the tone from “I’m telling you” to “I’m asking you” and children respond much better to that.
2. Say “Thank You” Before They Say “Yes”
It might seem counterintuitive, but I often say “thank you” before the child has even responded to my request. For instance, “Please put your shoes on, thank you.” This creates an expectation of compliance in a polite and positive way. It also sets a tone of trust and belief that they will cooperate, which makes them more likely to follow through.
3. Use “And” Instead of “But”
When giving feedback or correcting behaviour, I always try to start with something positive. Then, rather than saying “but,” I use “and.” For example:
- “I like your drawing, but your colouring needs more care.”
- “I like your drawing, and your colouring could use a bit more care.”
That small change encourages growth without making the child feel deflated or criticised. It models that we can appreciate effort and still have room to improve.
4. Let Them Reflect First
When a child’s behaviour needs correcting, I often avoid immediately telling them what they did wrong. Instead, I ask, “What do you think I’m going to ask you?” More often than not, the child will identify the issue themselves. This invites self-reflection and accountability, while sidestepping power struggles. It helps them develop self-awareness and responsibility for their actions.
These subtle shifts in language and posture can be incredibly powerful. Cooperation doesn’t need to come from conflict it can emerge from connection, respect, and gentle cues that help children feel seen and heard.
By tweaking how we communicate just a little, we can cultivate stronger, more respectful relationships with the children in our lives.
Watch my helpful video on this topic below
